I woke up in the middle of the night. In a haze I squinted over to look at my alarm clock to check the time (because that is why we look at clocks right?) I read the word ERROR instead of 5:44. I thought something really bad must have happened. But, then I was asleep before I knew it, vulnerable (yet protected by dreams) to whatever catastrophe had caused an error in time.

Jon reminded me of a funny story last night. I gave him mono from sharing water bottles and various other drinks over the course of our coinciding winter breaks (during the 2004-2005 school year). He said he was so confused how he could have got mono since his girlfriend Daniella did not have it. After a conversation with Andrew they discovered he must have got it from me but since I was sleeping all day anyway. I never even knew I had it.

It was funnier when he told it.

December was definitely a really great month for me. Here are two videos that don't explain a single thing that I did. Enjoy.

This Is The Real Deal.
So I just got done watching "The New American Gladiators" and man... It is stupid.

When I was younger I would usually skip school and spend most of my day watching terrible daytime television. I'd start my day with Nick Jr. then move on over to USA to watch Press Your Luck, Major Dad, and MacGyver. It was definitely a solid block of television but the real gem was American Gladiators. It was a good time to be a douchebag kid.

So naturally I was a little curious about the new version (though I guess now that I am old enough to grasp the concept of steroids I am a bit grossed out), and while it was super lame, I did have a pretty good laugh. Especially since the Gladiators look like they were created by SEGA. What happened to Nitro and Zap? In the new one they have a turd named The Wolf, and some fake ass Maori war crying dude named Toa. The new class doesn't seem to carry the same campy omnipresence as the Gladiators of old.

Other things I hated: I didn't like the fact they tried to spin the typical reality show type drama in the mix. I don't give a shit that one contestant was a toilet paper saleswoman (she hurt her leg in the first event). In fact, the contestants were super lame, particularly the "skateboarder" from San Diego. And I really didn't care for the fact the contestants had pithy remarks for each interview that were obviously pre-written by the writers of the show.

Sigh, but I guess I am the real twat to be blogging about this in the first place.

So sorry about the hiatus (as if anyone reads this anyway), but with friends visiting, traveling, and working I haven't had much time for blogging. But, I'm back and mildly more entertaining.

Pimp C - Finally Free
12/29/1973 - 12/4/07

photo credit

This is that hot fire.
It is almost the end of the day, it is almost the end of the week, it is almost the end of the month, it is almost the end of the year. I'm ready.

Having lived exclusively in white trash neighborhoods for most my life has stunted my expectations for various things. The greatest example of this is rollerskating. Nearly every birthday party I remember going to seemed to be housed in some sort of bullshit roller rink. The consumer base could usually be found wearing Big Dogs, Top Dawg, or some sort of other dog related clothing. When they weren't gleefully skating along to any one of the Top 40 songs that the DJ was selecting off a party CD they could be heard yelling some shit about me or my clothing. Until last night, I sort of pictured that is what rollerskating was like all around the country.

But then I went skating in the hood...

The most notable difference can be found in the fact that Egyptian Lover was the fucking DJ. It was crazy to actually skate to music I like. Because of the music - people seemed to be dancing/gliding rather than just skating along. I saw so many amazing "moves" and "tricks" and I am not talking about the shit in that Dipset skate video. I mean "moves" like on the Roll Bounce tip.

Here is a poor example of all the fun I was having:



Nothing takes the edge off a long night of rollerskating than Curb Your Enthusiasm and a large strawberry soda.

This is Thanksgiving.

Other than the extra long weekend it provides, I'm not a big fan of Thanksgiving. However, I was able to turn this normally lonely holiday into a pretty fun day.

This morning, B and I volunteered for Gobble Gobble Give. I helped carve up/break down some turkeys, which was actually really gross. Later, I got to go around and hand out meals and clothes to homeless people in LA. It was awkward at first to ask someone if they needed food (I was worried I was going to ask someone who wasn't homeless but just disheveled looking and they'd take offense - luckily I guessed correctly) but after seeing how happy it was making people, my negative thoughts quickly dispersed.




I am thankful for: friends, parachutes, hamburgers, and having two ears.

I am not thankful for: spiders, having to breathe to live, and Mutant League Football for SEGA.

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This is an interesting segment about Thanksgiving from Russell Means' book titled - Where White Men Fear To Tread

Some people (and by some - I mean two) were wondering what I was up to while I took a break from my blog last week. Mainly, I was painting my room but here is a video of everything I was doing in between.



Also, a few people having been asking about my mullet. So here you go, I filmed this after I trimmed the back a bit so use your imagination to make the hair a bit more mullety. I should have filmed this when it was more gross, oh well.

This is tubgirl

Before I start, I have to give credit to Scott Cooper for that illustration. I have never met him before but he drew that on my friend Bertram's facebook graffiti wall and I thought it was fucking hilarious. Don't click here it is a link to the real tubgirl.

Anyway, I spend a lot of time on the internet (if the internet was a human - we'd be BFFs). But no matter how much time I spend on the internet I can't seem to get over how fucking crazy it can be. But then I remember it isn't the internet that is crazy - it is the voices in its head (I mean internet users; you see what I did there - I tried to make a joke, sigh).

I remember when I first got the internet I was shocked to see disgusting things like the goatse guy, a man eating a baby, and the various gory images. But now, I am pretty desensitized to seeing awful things. I saw the leaked footage of the Saddam Hussein execution and it didn't even phase me. (I repeat - I fucking saw one of the most infamous dictators to ever live hang to death and I was like "this is kind of boring" - What have you done to me internet?)

What has the internet done to me? What has the internet done to us?

It has allowed us access to the world's greatest taboos with the slightest keystroke. It has also provided a vehicle for crazies to share their odd lifestyle choices - like furries.

Even though most shock sites are pretty damn disturbing, I still don't think the content should be blocked from access. (I do agree that there is a certain boundary that can not be crossed like in the case of child pornography.) The internet isn't inventing these people and these taboos, they were there before, they just didn't have a means to openly communicate with one another. (haha, imagine how awkward it would be asking someone in your small town if they like to have sex in stuffed animal costumes.) Though many people fear for their children stumbling across this type of content - I think it is a lot safer for them to be accidentally seeing it in the safety of their own home than in the streets (or in person). Hell, I have seen some pretty gnarly shit on the internet and I think I turned out okay. I could see desensitization potentially causing sociopathic behavior is some cases (but they probably had other problems) but I could also see someone being desensitized being more likely to just leave the "weirdos" to their vices (and peak in once in a while to appreciate their "normalcy" or a laugh) instead of insisting that they have no rights (or be hurt/murdered) like the Christian Right often suggests.



This is Joe Rogan.

With all that said - whenever a new internet taboo has gone viral, a lot of people check it out (it is probably the same thing that makes so many people rubberneck during traffic accidents or bother to watch NASCAR). And I just so happen to be one of the masses.



This is Crystal and I seeing how long we could last watching 2 Girls 1 Cup.



My co-workers (Brandon, Darryl, and Mike D) try to see how long they can watch the BME Pain Olympics.

On a completely different note:

I sat behind MURS tonight when I saw Beowulf: an IMAX 3D Experience (which would have been terrible if I wasn't so stoned). Man, MURS - what the fuck is up with your hair? You fucking look like Yamato Man from Mega Man 6. Though I can't hate because I thought MURS was done but Dreadlocks is actually pretty sick (thanks to Rick Rock).

I also saw the female offspring that Crunchy Black and Flavor Flav would produce if they had a child.

This is Vlade Divac.
I am notoriously bad (at least in my opinion) at coming up with good Halloween costume ideas. In the last few years - I have been a cheerleader, a woman, a mascot (of sorts), and the 1994 version of Dracula (the latter two costumes can be viewed on myspace).

This year I hoped I could finally break free of the terrible costume monotony but, a lack of money coupled with a newfound apathy for the holiday didn't leave me with much. So in a pathetic attempt I dressed as everyone's favorite Serbian basketball sensation - Vlade Divac.



Happy Halloween!

This was my Tuesday.

This is my desk at work. I don't have a wife or any kids so I am really at a loss for what the appropriate desk decor should be. So far I have a trucker hat from the movie Phat Girlz, Wu-Tang trading cards, a Sipowicz bobblehead, a pumpkin, and some thing from BJ's Pizza (no relation to my pizza).

We humans ask millions of questions each day to attempt to understand our confusing world. Questions like: What is the meaning of life? How were The Great Pyramids built? and Where could one find Bahamian music greats The Baha Men's triple platinum award for their tremendous break-out hit Who Let The Dogs Out?

Well folks... Ponder no longer - for I hold the answer to one of man kinds greatest queries. No, not that one. The Baha Men one...



Now that's the smell of success!

As I posted back on the 23rd of this month, I am a member of a facebook group called "1,000,000 Strong For Stephen T. Colbert". On the morning of October 26th (right before 3:00 AM) the group hit its goal (in only 8 days) of one million members (and it still grew - as of this posting it is nearly 1.2 million members).

It was weird to be part of a forum where each time you refreshed - every single comment from the second before had vanished behind hundreds of new ones. It was even weirder to be able to follow along with some conversations (and a lot of arguments) despite the great speed at which each comment came.

It is so strange to think about these (pointless virtual) arguments and conversations and how so many of them have produced some of the most recognizable names and events on the internet (such as: Dramatic Look and The Skateboarding Dog). Creating a weird imprint on pop culture, transforming from a random moment into a cultural meme. I am not sure if you are familiar with the concept of memes (if not, you should totally read The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins) but I wonder... Will Katie Brazil become a meme?

Who is Katie Brazil? I don't know either - but for some reason she became the talk of the town (well just the talk of the message board) during the countdown to the 1,000,000 roll over. In fact, for almost a good 15 minutes hardly anyone mentioned anything else.

Here are some random screen shots cut together of some of the times she was mentioned.


You can see I even chimed in with "Colbert/Brazil '08"



Someone created a facebook group dedicated to her (which was later taken down).


Becoming "internet famous" is such a weird thing to think about. Most of the people who have become "famous" on the internet (The Star Wards Kid, Angry German Kid, and Leroy Jenkins clearly didn't intend on becoming famous for these events (and clearly didn't deserve becoming famous for them either). However, regardless of their intent - they have. Each one garnering millions of views on the internet (in each case - they have also spawned multitudes of parodies and even been included in pop culture - Star Wars Kid is hidden in a secret area in one of the Tony Hawk games). Will Katie Brazil share the same fate as the aforementioned YouTube celebs? (I suppose Stephen Colbert holds Katie's fate in his hands - I wonder if he'll mention anything about her on his show?) How many people do you suppose have become "internet famous" for literally 15 minutes? How many people have somehow caught the attention of hundreds of people on the internet only to be forgotten minutes later? It seems to me that "internet fame" is easily the worst kind of fame. But, when the internet eventually dominates all forms of media - will it be a good thing then? Will people like Chris Crocker and The Notorious B.U.M. be regarded as legends of the medium (like Charlie Chaplin with film or Clayton Moore with television)? I suppose we'll have to wait to find out.

I attempted to document the group hitting 1,000,000 but it didn't come out so well, but you can see how quickly people were joining by refreshing every second. (You can see a few Katie Brazil references in the video as well).




Can you imagine having someone come up to you and ask - "Hey, wait a minute, are you the Star Wars Kid?"