So over the last few months I have been editing/adding stuff to Wikipedia (I have made almost 400 contributions). In my opinion it is the best site/database/resource on the internet. While the authenticity of Wikipedia is always in question - you just can't deny the plethora of amazing articles you can find there. Here are a couple of my recent favorites.

-List of TV series cancelled after one episode.
-List of self-contradicting words in English.
-Solipsism.
-The Big Rip.
-List of inventors killed by their own inventions.
-List of humorous units of measurement.
-List of jobs held by Homer Simpson.
-Ann Hodges.
-List of fictional computers.
-List of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles characters.
-Longest word in the English language.

However, none of these come close to the awesomeness of this next article.

-List of problems solved by MacGyver.

Where are you going to get facts like that? A dictionary? Pfff.

because laughing matters.

I woke up in the middle of the night. In a haze I squinted over to look at my alarm clock to check the time (because that is why we look at clocks right?) I read the word ERROR instead of 5:44. I thought something really bad must have happened. But, then I was asleep before I knew it, vulnerable (yet protected by dreams) to whatever catastrophe had caused an error in time.

Jon reminded me of a funny story last night. I gave him mono from sharing water bottles and various other drinks over the course of our coinciding winter breaks (during the 2004-2005 school year). He said he was so confused how he could have got mono since his girlfriend Daniella did not have it. After a conversation with Andrew they discovered he must have got it from me but since I was sleeping all day anyway. I never even knew I had it.

It was funnier when he told it.

December was definitely a really great month for me. Here are two videos that don't explain a single thing that I did. Enjoy.

This Is The Real Deal.
So I just got done watching "The New American Gladiators" and man... It is stupid.

When I was younger I would usually skip school and spend most of my day watching terrible daytime television. I'd start my day with Nick Jr. then move on over to USA to watch Press Your Luck, Major Dad, and MacGyver. It was definitely a solid block of television but the real gem was American Gladiators. It was a good time to be a douchebag kid.

So naturally I was a little curious about the new version (though I guess now that I am old enough to grasp the concept of steroids I am a bit grossed out), and while it was super lame, I did have a pretty good laugh. Especially since the Gladiators look like they were created by SEGA. What happened to Nitro and Zap? In the new one they have a turd named The Wolf, and some fake ass Maori war crying dude named Toa. The new class doesn't seem to carry the same campy omnipresence as the Gladiators of old.

Other things I hated: I didn't like the fact they tried to spin the typical reality show type drama in the mix. I don't give a shit that one contestant was a toilet paper saleswoman (she hurt her leg in the first event). In fact, the contestants were super lame, particularly the "skateboarder" from San Diego. And I really didn't care for the fact the contestants had pithy remarks for each interview that were obviously pre-written by the writers of the show.

Sigh, but I guess I am the real twat to be blogging about this in the first place.

So sorry about the hiatus (as if anyone reads this anyway), but with friends visiting, traveling, and working I haven't had much time for blogging. But, I'm back and mildly more entertaining.

Pimp C - Finally Free
12/29/1973 - 12/4/07

photo credit

This is that hot fire.
It is almost the end of the day, it is almost the end of the week, it is almost the end of the month, it is almost the end of the year. I'm ready.

Having lived exclusively in white trash neighborhoods for most my life has stunted my expectations for various things. The greatest example of this is rollerskating. Nearly every birthday party I remember going to seemed to be housed in some sort of bullshit roller rink. The consumer base could usually be found wearing Big Dogs, Top Dawg, or some sort of other dog related clothing. When they weren't gleefully skating along to any one of the Top 40 songs that the DJ was selecting off a party CD they could be heard yelling some shit about me or my clothing. Until last night, I sort of pictured that is what rollerskating was like all around the country.

But then I went skating in the hood...

The most notable difference can be found in the fact that Egyptian Lover was the fucking DJ. It was crazy to actually skate to music I like. Because of the music - people seemed to be dancing/gliding rather than just skating along. I saw so many amazing "moves" and "tricks" and I am not talking about the shit in that Dipset skate video. I mean "moves" like on the Roll Bounce tip.

Here is a poor example of all the fun I was having:



Nothing takes the edge off a long night of rollerskating than Curb Your Enthusiasm and a large strawberry soda.

This is Thanksgiving.

Other than the extra long weekend it provides, I'm not a big fan of Thanksgiving. However, I was able to turn this normally lonely holiday into a pretty fun day.

This morning, B and I volunteered for Gobble Gobble Give. I helped carve up/break down some turkeys, which was actually really gross. Later, I got to go around and hand out meals and clothes to homeless people in LA. It was awkward at first to ask someone if they needed food (I was worried I was going to ask someone who wasn't homeless but just disheveled looking and they'd take offense - luckily I guessed correctly) but after seeing how happy it was making people, my negative thoughts quickly dispersed.




I am thankful for: friends, parachutes, hamburgers, and having two ears.

I am not thankful for: spiders, having to breathe to live, and Mutant League Football for SEGA.

-----------------------------------------------
This is an interesting segment about Thanksgiving from Russell Means' book titled - Where White Men Fear To Tread

Some people (and by some - I mean two) were wondering what I was up to while I took a break from my blog last week. Mainly, I was painting my room but here is a video of everything I was doing in between.



Also, a few people having been asking about my mullet. So here you go, I filmed this after I trimmed the back a bit so use your imagination to make the hair a bit more mullety. I should have filmed this when it was more gross, oh well.

This is tubgirl

Before I start, I have to give credit to Scott Cooper for that illustration. I have never met him before but he drew that on my friend Bertram's facebook graffiti wall and I thought it was fucking hilarious. Don't click here it is a link to the real tubgirl.

Anyway, I spend a lot of time on the internet (if the internet was a human - we'd be BFFs). But no matter how much time I spend on the internet I can't seem to get over how fucking crazy it can be. But then I remember it isn't the internet that is crazy - it is the voices in its head (I mean internet users; you see what I did there - I tried to make a joke, sigh).

I remember when I first got the internet I was shocked to see disgusting things like the goatse guy, a man eating a baby, and the various gory images. But now, I am pretty desensitized to seeing awful things. I saw the leaked footage of the Saddam Hussein execution and it didn't even phase me. (I repeat - I fucking saw one of the most infamous dictators to ever live hang to death and I was like "this is kind of boring" - What have you done to me internet?)

What has the internet done to me? What has the internet done to us?

It has allowed us access to the world's greatest taboos with the slightest keystroke. It has also provided a vehicle for crazies to share their odd lifestyle choices - like furries.

Even though most shock sites are pretty damn disturbing, I still don't think the content should be blocked from access. (I do agree that there is a certain boundary that can not be crossed like in the case of child pornography.) The internet isn't inventing these people and these taboos, they were there before, they just didn't have a means to openly communicate with one another. (haha, imagine how awkward it would be asking someone in your small town if they like to have sex in stuffed animal costumes.) Though many people fear for their children stumbling across this type of content - I think it is a lot safer for them to be accidentally seeing it in the safety of their own home than in the streets (or in person). Hell, I have seen some pretty gnarly shit on the internet and I think I turned out okay. I could see desensitization potentially causing sociopathic behavior is some cases (but they probably had other problems) but I could also see someone being desensitized being more likely to just leave the "weirdos" to their vices (and peak in once in a while to appreciate their "normalcy" or a laugh) instead of insisting that they have no rights (or be hurt/murdered) like the Christian Right often suggests.



This is Joe Rogan.

With all that said - whenever a new internet taboo has gone viral, a lot of people check it out (it is probably the same thing that makes so many people rubberneck during traffic accidents or bother to watch NASCAR). And I just so happen to be one of the masses.



This is Crystal and I seeing how long we could last watching 2 Girls 1 Cup.



My co-workers (Brandon, Darryl, and Mike D) try to see how long they can watch the BME Pain Olympics.

On a completely different note:

I sat behind MURS tonight when I saw Beowulf: an IMAX 3D Experience (which would have been terrible if I wasn't so stoned). Man, MURS - what the fuck is up with your hair? You fucking look like Yamato Man from Mega Man 6. Though I can't hate because I thought MURS was done but Dreadlocks is actually pretty sick (thanks to Rick Rock).

I also saw the female offspring that Crunchy Black and Flavor Flav would produce if they had a child.

This is Vlade Divac.
I am notoriously bad (at least in my opinion) at coming up with good Halloween costume ideas. In the last few years - I have been a cheerleader, a woman, a mascot (of sorts), and the 1994 version of Dracula (the latter two costumes can be viewed on myspace).

This year I hoped I could finally break free of the terrible costume monotony but, a lack of money coupled with a newfound apathy for the holiday didn't leave me with much. So in a pathetic attempt I dressed as everyone's favorite Serbian basketball sensation - Vlade Divac.



Happy Halloween!

This was my Tuesday.