Pimp C - Finally Free
12/29/1973 - 12/4/07

photo credit

This is that hot fire.
It is almost the end of the day, it is almost the end of the week, it is almost the end of the month, it is almost the end of the year. I'm ready.

Having lived exclusively in white trash neighborhoods for most my life has stunted my expectations for various things. The greatest example of this is rollerskating. Nearly every birthday party I remember going to seemed to be housed in some sort of bullshit roller rink. The consumer base could usually be found wearing Big Dogs, Top Dawg, or some sort of other dog related clothing. When they weren't gleefully skating along to any one of the Top 40 songs that the DJ was selecting off a party CD they could be heard yelling some shit about me or my clothing. Until last night, I sort of pictured that is what rollerskating was like all around the country.

But then I went skating in the hood...

The most notable difference can be found in the fact that Egyptian Lover was the fucking DJ. It was crazy to actually skate to music I like. Because of the music - people seemed to be dancing/gliding rather than just skating along. I saw so many amazing "moves" and "tricks" and I am not talking about the shit in that Dipset skate video. I mean "moves" like on the Roll Bounce tip.

Here is a poor example of all the fun I was having:



Nothing takes the edge off a long night of rollerskating than Curb Your Enthusiasm and a large strawberry soda.

This is Thanksgiving.

Other than the extra long weekend it provides, I'm not a big fan of Thanksgiving. However, I was able to turn this normally lonely holiday into a pretty fun day.

This morning, B and I volunteered for Gobble Gobble Give. I helped carve up/break down some turkeys, which was actually really gross. Later, I got to go around and hand out meals and clothes to homeless people in LA. It was awkward at first to ask someone if they needed food (I was worried I was going to ask someone who wasn't homeless but just disheveled looking and they'd take offense - luckily I guessed correctly) but after seeing how happy it was making people, my negative thoughts quickly dispersed.




I am thankful for: friends, parachutes, hamburgers, and having two ears.

I am not thankful for: spiders, having to breathe to live, and Mutant League Football for SEGA.

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This is an interesting segment about Thanksgiving from Russell Means' book titled - Where White Men Fear To Tread

Some people (and by some - I mean two) were wondering what I was up to while I took a break from my blog last week. Mainly, I was painting my room but here is a video of everything I was doing in between.



Also, a few people having been asking about my mullet. So here you go, I filmed this after I trimmed the back a bit so use your imagination to make the hair a bit more mullety. I should have filmed this when it was more gross, oh well.

This is tubgirl

Before I start, I have to give credit to Scott Cooper for that illustration. I have never met him before but he drew that on my friend Bertram's facebook graffiti wall and I thought it was fucking hilarious. Don't click here it is a link to the real tubgirl.

Anyway, I spend a lot of time on the internet (if the internet was a human - we'd be BFFs). But no matter how much time I spend on the internet I can't seem to get over how fucking crazy it can be. But then I remember it isn't the internet that is crazy - it is the voices in its head (I mean internet users; you see what I did there - I tried to make a joke, sigh).

I remember when I first got the internet I was shocked to see disgusting things like the goatse guy, a man eating a baby, and the various gory images. But now, I am pretty desensitized to seeing awful things. I saw the leaked footage of the Saddam Hussein execution and it didn't even phase me. (I repeat - I fucking saw one of the most infamous dictators to ever live hang to death and I was like "this is kind of boring" - What have you done to me internet?)

What has the internet done to me? What has the internet done to us?

It has allowed us access to the world's greatest taboos with the slightest keystroke. It has also provided a vehicle for crazies to share their odd lifestyle choices - like furries.

Even though most shock sites are pretty damn disturbing, I still don't think the content should be blocked from access. (I do agree that there is a certain boundary that can not be crossed like in the case of child pornography.) The internet isn't inventing these people and these taboos, they were there before, they just didn't have a means to openly communicate with one another. (haha, imagine how awkward it would be asking someone in your small town if they like to have sex in stuffed animal costumes.) Though many people fear for their children stumbling across this type of content - I think it is a lot safer for them to be accidentally seeing it in the safety of their own home than in the streets (or in person). Hell, I have seen some pretty gnarly shit on the internet and I think I turned out okay. I could see desensitization potentially causing sociopathic behavior is some cases (but they probably had other problems) but I could also see someone being desensitized being more likely to just leave the "weirdos" to their vices (and peak in once in a while to appreciate their "normalcy" or a laugh) instead of insisting that they have no rights (or be hurt/murdered) like the Christian Right often suggests.



This is Joe Rogan.

With all that said - whenever a new internet taboo has gone viral, a lot of people check it out (it is probably the same thing that makes so many people rubberneck during traffic accidents or bother to watch NASCAR). And I just so happen to be one of the masses.



This is Crystal and I seeing how long we could last watching 2 Girls 1 Cup.



My co-workers (Brandon, Darryl, and Mike D) try to see how long they can watch the BME Pain Olympics.

On a completely different note:

I sat behind MURS tonight when I saw Beowulf: an IMAX 3D Experience (which would have been terrible if I wasn't so stoned). Man, MURS - what the fuck is up with your hair? You fucking look like Yamato Man from Mega Man 6. Though I can't hate because I thought MURS was done but Dreadlocks is actually pretty sick (thanks to Rick Rock).

I also saw the female offspring that Crunchy Black and Flavor Flav would produce if they had a child.

This is Vlade Divac.
I am notoriously bad (at least in my opinion) at coming up with good Halloween costume ideas. In the last few years - I have been a cheerleader, a woman, a mascot (of sorts), and the 1994 version of Dracula (the latter two costumes can be viewed on myspace).

This year I hoped I could finally break free of the terrible costume monotony but, a lack of money coupled with a newfound apathy for the holiday didn't leave me with much. So in a pathetic attempt I dressed as everyone's favorite Serbian basketball sensation - Vlade Divac.



Happy Halloween!

This was my Tuesday.

This is my desk at work. I don't have a wife or any kids so I am really at a loss for what the appropriate desk decor should be. So far I have a trucker hat from the movie Phat Girlz, Wu-Tang trading cards, a Sipowicz bobblehead, a pumpkin, and some thing from BJ's Pizza (no relation to my pizza).

We humans ask millions of questions each day to attempt to understand our confusing world. Questions like: What is the meaning of life? How were The Great Pyramids built? and Where could one find Bahamian music greats The Baha Men's triple platinum award for their tremendous break-out hit Who Let The Dogs Out?

Well folks... Ponder no longer - for I hold the answer to one of man kinds greatest queries. No, not that one. The Baha Men one...



Now that's the smell of success!

As I posted back on the 23rd of this month, I am a member of a facebook group called "1,000,000 Strong For Stephen T. Colbert". On the morning of October 26th (right before 3:00 AM) the group hit its goal (in only 8 days) of one million members (and it still grew - as of this posting it is nearly 1.2 million members).

It was weird to be part of a forum where each time you refreshed - every single comment from the second before had vanished behind hundreds of new ones. It was even weirder to be able to follow along with some conversations (and a lot of arguments) despite the great speed at which each comment came.

It is so strange to think about these (pointless virtual) arguments and conversations and how so many of them have produced some of the most recognizable names and events on the internet (such as: Dramatic Look and The Skateboarding Dog). Creating a weird imprint on pop culture, transforming from a random moment into a cultural meme. I am not sure if you are familiar with the concept of memes (if not, you should totally read The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins) but I wonder... Will Katie Brazil become a meme?

Who is Katie Brazil? I don't know either - but for some reason she became the talk of the town (well just the talk of the message board) during the countdown to the 1,000,000 roll over. In fact, for almost a good 15 minutes hardly anyone mentioned anything else.

Here are some random screen shots cut together of some of the times she was mentioned.


You can see I even chimed in with "Colbert/Brazil '08"



Someone created a facebook group dedicated to her (which was later taken down).


Becoming "internet famous" is such a weird thing to think about. Most of the people who have become "famous" on the internet (The Star Wards Kid, Angry German Kid, and Leroy Jenkins clearly didn't intend on becoming famous for these events (and clearly didn't deserve becoming famous for them either). However, regardless of their intent - they have. Each one garnering millions of views on the internet (in each case - they have also spawned multitudes of parodies and even been included in pop culture - Star Wars Kid is hidden in a secret area in one of the Tony Hawk games). Will Katie Brazil share the same fate as the aforementioned YouTube celebs? (I suppose Stephen Colbert holds Katie's fate in his hands - I wonder if he'll mention anything about her on his show?) How many people do you suppose have become "internet famous" for literally 15 minutes? How many people have somehow caught the attention of hundreds of people on the internet only to be forgotten minutes later? It seems to me that "internet fame" is easily the worst kind of fame. But, when the internet eventually dominates all forms of media - will it be a good thing then? Will people like Chris Crocker and The Notorious B.U.M. be regarded as legends of the medium (like Charlie Chaplin with film or Clayton Moore with television)? I suppose we'll have to wait to find out.

I attempted to document the group hitting 1,000,000 but it didn't come out so well, but you can see how quickly people were joining by refreshing every second. (You can see a few Katie Brazil references in the video as well).




Can you imagine having someone come up to you and ask - "Hey, wait a minute, are you the Star Wars Kid?"

These are the sights and sounds along the way to my work.

I was perusing an old blog of mine from 2004 and I stumbled upon a gem (a stupid AIM conversation) that is exactly 3 years old to this day.

Girl: do you remember up until 30 minutes ago i 'hated' you
Me: its a thin line between love and hate lady
Me: i figure you meant something on the other side
Girl: what are you getting at?
Me: well, halloween is coming up, and i am looking for treats.
Girl: mhm
Girl: well good luck using that line
Me: well that's exactly it, it is all about lines
Me: but if you mean phrases to pick up women, you misunderstood me
Girl: i see
Girl: proceed...
Me: because i meant lines around the block for a little kiss on these lips
Me: but i'll let you cut if you want.
Girl: what are you even talking about
Girl: are you rapping still?
Me: girl, i'm planning to wrap up the deal with you.
Girl: ok
Girl: start wrapping

This is my new room in Los Angeles, as you can see I don't have a bed or any hangers for my clothes (among other essentials) but I'm doing just fine with out them.... for now.

This is Tom Peterson

To many - YouTube is a great way to share your videos with the masses (To most - YouTube is a great way to waste time). However, YouTube does more - it allows you to find treasured things from the past that may have been easily forgotten (some more than others resonate on that heart-felt tip). I found this video (below) and was pretty amazed that someone, somehow, saved this and eventually decided to put it on YouTube.

For those who didn't grow up in (the bad part) of Portland - you most likely don't know who Tom Peterson is. But if you are me (which I am - so I totally know where I am coming from dude) than you remember his store on 82nd Avenue (which is now called The City Of Roses Blvd in hopes to blur collective memories - it didn't work). I still remember being a kid - before starting school - before my parents had a car and walking down to Tom Peterson's to rent VHS - it was a hell of a walk (as in having my eyes covered so I wouldn't look at the prostitutes) but those were some good days.

I also remember being really stoned one night in high school and walking by Tom Peterson's huge glowing face outside the store and wanting it for a lamp.

Jason and I always wanted to put a giant word bubble with something really racist (or equally offensive) written in it and stick it up by his aforementioned glowing head.



Who would have thought that this simple (and terribly made) television commercial could flood my head with these memories (and many more).

On a side note - Tom Peterson played a few bit parts in some Portland movies. Tom Peterson on IMDB

A few weeks back my co-worker (Brandon) and I had to drive up to the Hollywood Hills to film Rachel Nichols so we could attempt to make some sort of "viral video" to promote the film P2. At first I thought it was going to fail horribly but, after only being up on MySpace for a day it became one of the featured videos.



Which is cool - sort of. It is amazing to imagine the massive scale this video I made is reaching but, at the same time I wish it was for something better (more personal, more creative).

So I joined a facebook group called 1,000,000 Strong For Stephen T. Colbert and it is growing by an alarming rate.

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Edit 10/25/2007

So the group is already at like 986,882 members - it will probably hit 1,000,000 around midnight tonight - that's crazy!

What sort of message does this send out to politicians? We would rather trust an intellectual comedian (who has no experience) over the consistently untrustworthy people who are officially running. It seems like we would be better off picking a candidate who isn't corrupted by (big business and) politics. It seems like it would be very difficult for everyone in the country to know about someone who 'should' be President without our current party system (though Colbert seems to be proving that point wrong, having almost 1,000,000 "votes" in less than 11 days). And actually (granted I am getting these facts from like the Jay Leno show) it seems like most Americans don't even know their various elected officials in the first place.

There are a lot of people complaining about how many underage (under the voting age to be specific) kids are in the 1,000,000 Strong For Stephen T. Colbert. Is it good that so many 'kids' are actually getting interested in voting? Or is this simply fuel for the (Future of America's) apathetic fire?

The Washington Post has more to say on this facebook group.

This is my cat. I love him. I miss him.

I'll miss Portland, its parks, and its people - especially these kids.

This is Justin's "man shop" - where shirts are screened, bikes are assembled, and doof is smoked. This is my 4th day in L.A. and so far so good.

Before leaving Portland - Jenna and I had to go on one more bike ride.



Peep the dude who flips off the camera at the :57 mark

After taking a break from writing skits - Leah and I smoked a few joints and decided to read the bible.






The best part is when Leah catches me fixing my hair in the second video.

This is the morning after my 23rd birthday (8/5/2007). Jenna and I woke up off the cold floor of the Purple Palace and stumbled into Andrew's bed.

Come and dance on our floor.
Take a step that is new.
We've a lovable space that needs your face,
Three's company too.

I wish that they would play more Soul Train reruns and I really wish that they would never attempt to remake it (same goes for Hee Haw).

A simple night can be just as worth while as a busy one. I got lifted, cooked some food, and watched Soul Train with my dog. It was a pretty good night (in my opinion).



Those dance moves are incredible!!!

Jones' family owns a Schipperke named Rascal (Keith and I always joked that if Rascal was a larger dog he would be the fucking-scariest-looking-Cerberus-ass-dog ever). Jones claims that Schipperkes were used on ships to detect ice-bergs. Which may explain why the dog seems to bark wildly when people are approaching his house from like 200 feet away.

Here is Jones getting his dog to howl - which used to be his voicemail.



Schipperke On Wikipedia

Not sure if this is more morbid or sad but, when Jack LaLanne dies, that juicer company is totally going under. Sell your stocks now! Here's two good wikipedia inserts about Mr. LaLanne and the juicer company.

[LaLanne admits that as a child he was addicted to sugar and junk foods. He was very troubled and prone to rages, which led to his attempting to burn down his family's house, as well as chasing his brother with an axe.]

[The "Juice Tiger", however, was recalled in March 1996 after "14 incidents resulting in at least eight lacerations to the hands, face, arms, and chest and one permanent eye injury."]

You must really fucking suck at making juice to cut open your chest - fo' real.

The internet is amazing for so many reasons (porn, porn, and spam email). But, one of my favorites is the ability to seemingly create a neo-time-capsule.

I had a lot of really great memories in this crum hole and I am happy I filmed bits of it before I left.



this is the room that the flies live in.
this is the room where Evan sleeps.
this is the room where Evan flies.



this is where Andrew used to only cook eggs.
this is where Keith made peanut butter ramen.
this is where Collin cooked too much food for people who didn't live here.
this is where Dan left food out.
this is where Evan put his leftovers.



this is where we brush our teeth.
this is where we wash our hair.
this is where we poop our ass.



this is where we skateboard at 3 am.
this is where we make our mess.
this is where we throw bottles off.

If you have paid as much attention to facial hair as I have (and I pay plenty of attention - it grows out of my fucking face) then you may be pretty disturbed by it. Does anyone else realize a mustache is just a third eyebrow? Think about it.

Congratulations, you have formed a triangle outline with your hair strips. (Well, people like Tom Selleck have more of an upside-down trapezoid look, but it is still very geometric). You look very sophisticated. Ever hear how triangles (as a symbol) represent power and strength? (Probably because of their usefulness in architecture.) Could that be why people associate mustaches with power? Because they form a triangle on your face?

I wonder what various facial hair styles would have been popular over the ages if say women could grow some. How would a feminine facial hair style differ from a masculine one?

My Uncle George came to my birthday party (August 4th) at Powell Park and freaked everyone out (in a good way).

First off - I am writing this because Jason asked me to start blogging again, and considering his blog was the only one I subscribed to - I feel maybe if I start back up again he will too.

Now considering the circumstances (I'm not telling you if you don't already know, its a bit derisory) I was able to have a surprisingly perfect day. I woke up at three in the afternoon (whoops) and met up with Keith and Andrew at the Mt. Tabor Soapbox Derby. There were some pretty funny contestants, pursuing the Flugtagesque cheers, but for the most part the drivers went for the futuristically sleek why-does-every-solar-powered-car-look-like-me? piece of shit that of course goes like 60 mph. (I hear they get pretty good gas mileage like 36-Highway, so long as the road is all downhill.) Anyway, some substitute-teacher-looking-mother-fucker did some Karate at us, we missed the crash (was there one? why did everyone start running and gasping?) and spent the majority of the time plotting the aesthetics for our-never-going-to-follow-through-with-this soapbox entry for next year. There were a few good ones, (like this one of Keith's) picture this: Keith Hall riding in a praying-mantis-like position, barreling down Tabor on a sort of jury rigged reverse tricycle (two front tires and one in the back) with a paper mache'd woman in hospital garb - legs akimbo. Keith's strawberry jam smothered head would emerge from her labia with some fucking Cabbage Patch Kid type shit affixed to his helmet. I want to call it something ridiculous like the Born To Be Wild or LaborLazer.

After the derby, Andrew, Jason and I went over to watch a UFC fight (with the most faux-ganster but scarier-than-gangster-because-they-try-so-hard-to-be-gangster doods) for some reason. I got all types of demasculating comments for wearing a lavender cardigan, like the garment itself was dawned upon me by some mystic faggot from the Far East (he must have used the Samantha Stevens nose twitch thing when I wasn't looking). This article-of-fucking-clothing was apparently enough to make the shirtless-beer-guzzling guys (who were constantly slapping each other on the fucking ass) feel uncomfortable with anything seeming 'gay'. Are you guys really that uncomfortable with gay people? Chill the fuck out. I didn't realize I should have put you in a headlock and accused you of being gay first to prove my manhood. Things got even weirder when the title fight started actually going. These guys were hooting/hollering/shucking/jiving into a frenzy as they shadowboxed the television. I mean these lunkheads were more boisterous than the audience in that movie The Kings Of Comedy. The most wigged out dude - Larry Love - (he's totally the white trash version of Chris Tucker) started fighting the much larger, much tougher, much everything more host of the party. Somehow they tossed each other onto the host's girlfriend, smashing her head. No one really paid her any attention except Andrew, Jason, and I which made things even more awkward/terrible. The best friend consoled the crying girl outside. The host belligerently strutted about. Larry (bloody mouth and all) confessed his brotherly love for the host. And we all learned an important lesson about testosterone. It was all very after school special.

After that we went to a karaoke party that didn't have any karaoke or party happening - so I got a ride to Rotture and met up with Sandra (who is in my phone as Sandra Soon To Be Deported.) Oh Sandra! Oh du, du bist so schoen! Schoene nacht, wie du!

A few drinks later - Leah and I finally got to spend some much needed "best friend time" wandering the streets of the S.E.P. industrial area (which I am legally banned from - sigh). We eventually went to some CRAZY all-night party and danced till the floor was blended into sawdust. My heel is bleeding still.

This would have been a perfect day for a digital camera. I need to get me one of those.